Top Ten Ugliest Cars of All Time

There’s an old saying my mother used to say to me from time to time. “Son,” she’d say. “Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.” I’m not sure what she was trying to tell me, or why it was only me she said this to, but looking at some of the cars produced over the past fifty or so years, I’d have to say Mom was onto something.

Yeah, the past half century has produced many wonderful automobiles, but for every one of those treasures there is also a car that missed the mark, sometimes by more than a little bit. In honor of those, hopefully, soon to be forgotten cars, I have decided to compose a little list of the Ten Ugliest Cars. I hope you find the list more pleasing than the cars. If you make it to the end of the list without being overcome by ugly, feel free to drop off a comment with your opinions. After all, not everyone agrees on what’s ugly. You hear that Mom.

The Ten Ugliest Cars…. Ever

10. VW Thing

This, well, thing, is one homely piece of automobile. Produced as a military vehicle and then finding its way into the consumer market, ala the Jeep, VW’s Thing looks something like a cross between a washboard and a steel coffin. Though, hopefully, when I die, people will think enough of me to bury me in something better looking than that.

9. Yugo

No really. When you see this car ‘you go’, in the other direction. Ba da ching. Thank you I’ll be here all week. Really , I think I’d feel safer driving down the road in a soap box racer. And I’d probably be prouder too. “I swear, I’m just driving this thing while my moped is in the shop”.

8. Renault Fuego

Well the Renault Fuego was aptly named. When I see it, I immediately want to set it on fire. Burn baby burn. The problem is, I doubt even fire would want to claim this car. Until i found out this thing was listed in the sportscar class, I didn’t realize ugly was a sport.

7. Ford Pinto

Speaking of burning, next up we have the Ford Pinto. Yeah, I know I’m a Ford guy, but ugly is ugly. And this sucker is explosively ugly. Really. I’ve always suspected that the reported combustive problems this vehicle had were actually due to the car trying to off itself. I beleieve the designers took styling cues from the bean they named this car after. Horse? What do you mean horse?

6. Subaru Baja

Little known fact, ‘baja’, in Spanish, actually means “car with a truck growing out of its butt”. You just get the feeling that at the meeting where the Subaru Baja was conceived there was a lot of drinking and people saying things like “Listen, listen. What if we took pieces from every type of vehicle every made and put them all together. Dude, it’d be like a supercar!”

5. AMC Pacer

Though this entire list could probably be populated by cars bearing the AMC badge, I thought that might get boring. So, in the spirit of diversity, I have selected one AMC to represent a car company which specialized in ugly. That honor, for reasons that should be obvious to everyone, goes to the AMC Pacer. You don’t see designing like this everyday. Thank God!

4. Pontiac Aztek

Sadly, though it was GMC’s first crossover, the Pontiac Aztek could not crossover from the realm of ugly. John Edward wouldn’t even talk to this thing. Well, at least it did one thing right. In 2005 it crossed over to the land of discontinued models. Thanks GMC.

3. Reliant Regal

Ahh hahahaha. Haahahha. Haahaha! Oh. Sorry about that. Uhm, yeah, the Reliant Regal. Its like someone put tricycle wheels on a boat. And not just any boat, but a really freaking ugly boat. Come on now, this is actually some of that dry British humor, right? I mean, no one actually drove this.

2. Citroen 2CV

The Citroen 2CV is what happens when your Volkswagon Beetle mates with a Radio Flyer. Look away, look away! When I was six I had dime store roller skates that looked more solid than this thing. I’d compare it to a sardine can but I wouldn’t want to insult sardine can manufacturers. Can you say ugly?

1. Fiat Multipla

I’m not prone to the use of internet jargon but, WTF? Really, I’d like to meet the designers that worked on the Fiat Multipla and ask, “Why?” I mean, you have to try in order to create ugly like this. And not just half hearted trying either. You have to dedicate yourself to the pursuit of ugly with Sir Edmund Hillary-esque determination. This is the Everest of ugly.

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the list, now go take a nap. No, really, you did great. That would have been hard on anybody.

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